Which brings me to another subject – how do I concentrate on getting some of these goals down? People who know me know that my personality is best described as ’scattered’. I know a little about alot and it’s something I’ve always regretted. When I have kids, I will be teaching them the exact opposite – know alot about a little. In other words, it’s great to be good at alot of things, but it’s very special to be the best at one thing.

The truth in that statement is easily supported by looking at our society. Are famous people those who are good at lots of little things or are the people that we know and respect in our communities those who excelled at one specific thing? People are famous because they are the best at a small subset of things that they do. They are the people we look up to and strive to imitate.

The sad part is, my lack of being great at any one specific thing comes not from a lack of drive or a doldrum interest in any specific category, but rather from being too interested in too many things that I don’t have enough time to dedicate to any one thing. Also, the occasional WoW gaming spree of a few months to a year effectively kills any drive to do anything else besides get more purpz and up the deepz.

Now that I’ve kicked the WoW habit again, I find myself in the sore situation of having to decide on those goals I do wish to focus on. The more I learn every day however, the more I find other subjects that interest me. One fault of mine would to be to have a lack of decision making when it comes to concentrating and driving towards some of these goals. How do I decide which ones I wish to focus on? Which ones are the most important to me?

Some of the issues I have with deciding on the goals to pursue have to deal with pressure from outside influences, such as my personal and professional life. They are rather opposing forces, as obviously a night of coding does not a ‘date night’ make.

Maybe I should go see a therapist. :/ I guess I should add that one to the goals.

This leads me into my topic; how does one measure productivity?

For some this may simply be defined as staying busy. Of course, then you’d have to define busy because I believe most people would be in agreement that watching television is not what one could call ‘busy’ or productive. Then again, you could just define busy as not being bored but that still doesn’t grasp the concept. Another train of thought would suggest that productivity is measured by the result of what you produce through your efforts. But then how does one actually measure certain insubstantial things such as keeping relationships running smoothly? Because that is most certainly what I would call being productive. Hard to measure tho, no?

Still others may argue that productivity is simply measured by a feeling of self – after all, being productive is certainly a feeling that one may experience and this would be the argument I would have to be the most inclined to agree with. Sort of a ‘Beauty is in the eye of beholder’ mantra.

Why then, after a full day of work, an hour of studying guitar, reading my fiction, playing a video game, spending time with my girlfriend and taking care of my dogs do I still feel unproductive?

Is it because I did not produce anything from my efforts? Because I hold myself to higher standards? Because I feel, when I browse the internet and see the works that others have produced, I feel insignificant in the grand scheme?

Again, it’s the last statement that I feel is the most important to me. I usually pop open my laptop while I’m watching TV or a movie and take the time to browse, catch up with my social networking, blog here, studying some design and brainstorm for new ideas. It’s while I’m browsing the web that I start to feel less unproductive, page by page, as I view the works of artists, designers, programmers, writers and the like. It’s when I’m seeing the fruit of their labor that I feel that I have not taken full advantage of the six or so hours I have when I get home to better myself and to produce my own world on the internet for others to share and contribute to.

That is the scariest part of this whole monologue – the fear of not being able to balance my life ( dogs, work, girlfriend, friends ) versus the feeling of productiveness. It gives a glossy coat of evil and seduction to the idea of being more productive, as if it were something that I shouldn’t be doing, that is wrong if I spend my time working towards as it takes me away from the more narcissistic goal of improving me. I think it’s something I’m going to have to struggle with for a very long time.

So I ask – how do you measure your productiveness by? What measures and balances do use to make sure that your goals, albeit selfish in nature, balance with those goals that concern the lives that you are intermingled with?